Being ugly.

I’m being ugly for awhile.

I’ve never really been a show off. I’ve never tried particularly hard to draw attention to myself or anything. Usually however I can at least be considered quite striking in a largely Asian population, due to my features. So i tend to draw some amount of attention when I don’t seek it.

In recent days due to my severe bout of illness (mostly gone now!!) I looked like shit. And i didn’t care about looking like shit because you know, I was like fighting for my life in the throes of death (or at least it appeared to me that way.) My hair is also at a very unfortunate middle ground right now, not shorn enough to be a statement but too short to be a pixie. ARGH.

I also have a new problem. Before my illness I had a patch on my lip that was recovering from peeling. My illness caused severe dehydration, and now the patch (half my lip) is kind of swollen and covered in sores. Urgh gross. It looks like I am becoming a zombie.

Attractive people (who must be pleasant – no point being pretty and a bitch) do get more from life. Now that I feel exceptionally ugly people don’t generally go out of their way to be nice to me and all that, but guess what, it’s perfectly okay.

I feel that a lot of people in the world all try too hard to be beautiful. They seem to think that being beautiful is the most important thing in the world, the be all and end all. If not, why would people/celebrities constantly get plastic surgery to make themselves look better? And I hate the praise ‘You’re beautiful’ when the person in question is actually not. Or like, ‘everyone is beautiful in your own way.’

No, you may not be beautiful, but you may have amazing eyeshadow skills, or a creative mind, or an amazing personality, or lots of charisma, or something. I mean, Bill Murray is not very dashing, is he? But he’s an amazing, A list actor all the same. So don’t say I’m beautiful, because I know I’m not right now, and that’s completely okay with me. It should be okay with you too.


6 thoughts on “Being ugly.

  1. M

    I’ve come to feel that being pretty doesn’t really matter at all. It doesn’t buy you wealth, and it certainly doesn’t buy you happiness, it doesn’t even guarantee that you get a partner or get married etc.


    1. Yes, for sure. But people keep making a fuss about it and I don’t understand. Especially now in the age of instagram and visuals, everyone is harping on and on about beauty. I’d rather be brilliant than beautiful.


  2. M

    Ah but brilliance can be such a lonesome thing. Considering that most of the population is average, it is difficult to truly understand brilliance, and even if you stumble into the right brilliant crowd you’d find a way to be unhappy anyway. Life is like that.

    For sure I agree with you that beautiful is over-rated. But I have a hunch it’s because you were a rather good-looking person for most of your life and never had to battle for anyone’s attention.

    People always envy that which they possess less/little of.


    1. You’re right about the brilliance too. Just in case people think I’m an airhead, i was in the top school in the nation and graduated with straight As, but still I envy those with more than just brilliance: true genius, which there was a lot of among my peers. But it truly is a lonely thing. Even I feel lonely sometimes, and I’m not even near genius, just quite above average.

      I do have to agree with beautiful people generally not knowing how lucky they are. There’s a quote here somewhere that my old literature teacher used to say but I forgot it. It was a semi journey of discovery when I ‘uglified’ myself recently with the chopping of hair and all.

      But anyway looks can be enhanced through easy, non surgical/obsessive methods. Like good diet and exercise, a flattering wardrobe, a decent skincare regimen and light make up. Or like, you could not bother and truly feel that you are loved by your partner/parents/friends for who you are, which is also really nice. I think it’s because it’s so easy to look polished with just a bit of effort, it’s not worth being superbly pretty, i rather be a ground breaking genius. Haha.

      I guess life could suck any way you live it, so we should try to be happy with what we have.


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